Co-Parenting Assessment Of Ten Promises

These questions assess your strengths in collaboration, communication, and support towards each other and together towards best parenting practices for your child. They assess your commitment to each promise in the book ‘TEN PROMISES’ that must be made together as coparents. The TEN PROMISES that will shape your child’s development and your relationshipwith your child.

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Email *

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Partnership in Parenting

We promise to be here for each other and you even before
you arrive – this will make you feel secure.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

1. Did you and your co-parent discuss your decision to have a child? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

2. Did you and your co-parent have medical visits together during pregnancy? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

3. Were you and your co-parent able to discuss your financial preparedness when you found out about the pregnancy? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

4. During the pregnancy, did you feel emotionally supported by your co-parent? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

5. Did you and your co-parent shop for baby clothes, toys, and furniture together? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

6. After the birth, did you share responsibilities in taking care of the baby? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

Fears and Reality of Parenting

We promise to not let our fears overshadow our responsibility towards each other and you – this will make you feel loved.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

7. Were you able to share your feelings about being a parent with each other? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

8. Did you and your co-parent discuss what you expected from each other as parents? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

9. Did you discuss what specific responsibilities each of you would have after the baby was born? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

10. Did you and your co-parent discuss what resources and support you might need after the baby is born? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

11. Did you discuss breastfeeding with each other? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

12. Did you feel you and your co-parent spent enough time bonding with the baby? (This includes both simply spending time with the baby and helping with caretaking responsibilities.) *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

Responsibility and Reflection in Parenting

We promise that we will provide you with an environment that will facilitate your emotional and developmental growth – this will make you feel protected.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

13. Do either of you struggle with any trauma or mental health issues? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

14. Did you or your co-parent seek help for any emotional difficulties, family and/or work challenges, or financial issues when you became parents? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

15. Do you feel that you and your partner could ask each other for support if either of you is emotionally distressed? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

16. Do you or your co-parent avoid discussing emotions and/or fears? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

17. Do either of you exhibit overprotective or controlling behaviors? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

18. Have you or your co-parent had a hard time meeting the emotional needs of your child because of your own emotional distress or mental health issues? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

Parenting Styles

We promise to engage in self-reflection and view you as a mirror through which we can continually evolve as parents – this will foster trust between us.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

19. Do you and your co-parent agree with each other’s parenting style? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

20. Do either of you expect complete obedience from your child and apply strict discipline when you don’t receive it? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

21. Do you or your co-parent have open discussions with your child about boundaries and consequences? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

22. Do you and your partner prefer that your child learn from their own experiences? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

23. Do either of you prefer to not be involved in parenting of your child? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

24. Are you and your co-parent able to discuss and resolve the differences in your parenting styles? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

Moral Mirroring in Children

We promise you role modeling and honesty that will lay the foundation of your morality, principles, and values – this will inspire you to be a better person

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

25. Are you both aligned on your approach to teaching your child about right and wrong? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

26. Do you and your co-parent role model self-care for your child? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

27. Do you and your coparent role model respect and care for others for your child? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

28. Do the two of you ever discuss feelings and emotions with your child concerning their actions? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

29. Are you and your co-parent able to role model selfregulation when you’re feeling emotionally distressed? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

30. Are you able to role model respect and care towardseach other? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

Parenting Collaboration, Communication and Consistency

We promise to collaborate and communicate with respect not punishment, providing you with consistent parenting – This will make you feel respected

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

31. Are the two of you able to amicably communicate and work out acceptable solutions to parenting challenges of your child? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

32. Are there continual disagreements between you and your co-parent about your child? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

33. Do you and your co-parent provide consistent predictable home environment to your child? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

34. Do you and your co-parent often contradict each other in front of your child? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

35. Do you and your partner share both academic and social responsibilities of your child? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

36. Do you and your co-parent collaborate on decisions related to negotiations and permissions your child asks for? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

Parenting Caregiver Stress and Supporting Each Other

We promise to collaborate and communicate with respect not punishment, providing you with consistent parenting – This will make you feel respected.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

37. Are you both able to balance daily life with stressful parenting? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

38. Do you and your co-parent have the ability to accept the challenges your child has, without excessive preoccupation over your own feelings? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

39. Do either of you experience caregiver burnout for your child? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

40. Would you and your co-parent agree about whether and how to seek help for your child if they experienced behavioral or psychological challenges? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

41. Are you and your partner both educated and aware about how to recognize the signs of emotional distress and psychiatric symptoms in your child? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

42. Would you agree to seek psychological help for yourselves? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

Setting Boundaries as Parents

We promise to draw clear boundaries, respect your autonomy, and teach you responsibility by guiding you, not by controlling you – this will make you confident

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

43. Do you and your co-parent generally agree on decisions related to your child’s progressive autonomy? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

44. Do you both agree on what boundaries and rules for participation in social media apply to your child? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

45. Do you agree about details such as allowances and curfew times for your child? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

46. Are the two of you consistent on enforcing boundaries set by each other for your child, even if you do not agree with them? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

47. Do either of you ever make arbitrary decisions for your child without consulting the other? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

48. Do you or your co-parent ever express rejection of your child through actions and/or words? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

Parental Resilience

We promise to be your advocates, celebrate your strengths, and embrace your limitations without judgment – this will help you ignite your imagination and embrace your individuality.

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

49. Do both of you recognize your child’s strengths and unique needs? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

50. Do you and your partner advocate for your child as a team? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

51. Do you both verbally recognize your child’s strengths? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

52. Are you and your co-parent each able to provide validation and build confidence in your child? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

53. Do you and your partner ever compare your child and their achievements to other children? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

54. Do either of you express disappointment in any aspect of your child, such as their identity, appearance, sexuality, social status, or academic performance? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

The Parentified Child

We promise to not let the shadows of our pasts and our lives darken your present or future - this will never make you feel like our caregiver

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

55. Do you and your partner expect your child to provide emotional support to you? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

56. Do you expect your child to share responsibility with you for household chores? If so, how much? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

57. Do you or your co-parent discuss your feelings, worries, and concerns with your child on a regular basis? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

58. Have either of you experienced role reversal and served as a caregiver for your own parent? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

59. Does your child ever express fears of abandonment to you or your partner? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

60. Do you or your co-parent involve your child in your fights with one another and expect them to mediate between you? *

Never

Rarely

Sometimes

Often

Most of the Time

Always

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Manisha Punwani, M.D.

415-599-4349

Co-Parenting Assessment Of Ten Promises

Co-Parenting Assessment Of Ten Promises

Partnership in Parenting

Fears and Reality of Parenting

Responsibility and Reflection in Parenting

Parenting Styles

Moral Mirroring in Children

Parenting Collaboration, Communication and Consistency

Parenting Caregiver Stress and Supporting Each Other

Setting Boundaries as Parents

Parental Resilience

The Parentified Child